Friday, March 02, 2007

Frustration

Ever feel like you're banging your head against a wall?

That's the way I've been feeling a LOT lately.

I hear the message "reach out", ask for help, be willing to admit when I can't do it on my own. Where some say there are answers, none are forthcoming for me. Clarity does not come, reassurance is absent, comfort unattainable. Companionship fluttering out of my grasp.

I find myself calling much into question lately. Where I find myself, where I'm heading, my beliefs, my desires ....

I feel lost. alone. limited. frustrated. like a hampster running around in a wheel - not really going anywhere, not doing any real good.

and I'm sick of it.

I want to have purpose. meaning. to feel needed and wanted. to give of myself in a meaningful way. to pour out the passion I know is within.

I feel like I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what. Einstein said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" ... so why is it I try in different ways, with different people, different approaches, different techniques I end up in the same quagmire of depression, disssatisfaction, loneliness, dissillusionment, disenchantment and just plain BLAHness?

2 comments:

Alexis Jacobs said...

Tori sweetie ((hugs)) I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but your life does have purpose. You are a wonderful mommy, a wonderful friend and a wonderful woman.

I hope you can find some peace.

it's me, Val said...

tori, we love you. ill be writing soon . . . . xoxo