Moving
For various reasons I've decided to start fresh elsewhere ... you can now find my blog at http://bluebunny.wordpress.com/
Friday, March 16, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
Frustration
Ever feel like you're banging your head against a wall?
That's the way I've been feeling a LOT lately.
I hear the message "reach out", ask for help, be willing to admit when I can't do it on my own. Where some say there are answers, none are forthcoming for me. Clarity does not come, reassurance is absent, comfort unattainable. Companionship fluttering out of my grasp.
I find myself calling much into question lately. Where I find myself, where I'm heading, my beliefs, my desires ....
I feel lost. alone. limited. frustrated. like a hampster running around in a wheel - not really going anywhere, not doing any real good.
and I'm sick of it.
I want to have purpose. meaning. to feel needed and wanted. to give of myself in a meaningful way. to pour out the passion I know is within.
I feel like I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what. Einstein said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" ... so why is it I try in different ways, with different people, different approaches, different techniques I end up in the same quagmire of depression, disssatisfaction, loneliness, dissillusionment, disenchantment and just plain BLAHness?
That's the way I've been feeling a LOT lately.
I hear the message "reach out", ask for help, be willing to admit when I can't do it on my own. Where some say there are answers, none are forthcoming for me. Clarity does not come, reassurance is absent, comfort unattainable. Companionship fluttering out of my grasp.
I find myself calling much into question lately. Where I find myself, where I'm heading, my beliefs, my desires ....
I feel lost. alone. limited. frustrated. like a hampster running around in a wheel - not really going anywhere, not doing any real good.
and I'm sick of it.
I want to have purpose. meaning. to feel needed and wanted. to give of myself in a meaningful way. to pour out the passion I know is within.
I feel like I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what. Einstein said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" ... so why is it I try in different ways, with different people, different approaches, different techniques I end up in the same quagmire of depression, disssatisfaction, loneliness, dissillusionment, disenchantment and just plain BLAHness?
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Socks!
I finished off the socks I'd been knitting myself finally ... I'd post a pic, but that would require my taking them off to get the lighting decent & that's not happening! I finally see what the fuss is about - they are the most comfortable socks I've ever had! It's rare that my feet don't feel frozen in the wintertime & they are just nicely warm :)
I've already cast on for my second pair. :)
I've already cast on for my second pair. :)
Friday, February 23, 2007
Whatever Happened to the Kindness of Strangers?
We got hit with some pretty nasty weather yesterday & everyone's been driving more cautiously, myself included. This morning the roads were clear and barely an iy patch to be seen. I managed to find one.
I'd slowed down to enter the turning lane and hit a long stretch of black ice. There was nothing I could do - if I steered the car right, I'd slide into oncoming traffic. I hit the brakes and hung on. I was fortunate I was going so slow - the car slid the whole length of the lane (and it's a long one!) bumped onto the concrete island dividing the turn lane from the main road, knocked over a street sign but came to a stop before hitting the traffic light pole, thank goodness!
I sat there for a moment, stunned. A woman waiting at the lights was looking directly at me. There were plenty of cars around who saw what happened. Not one stopped. Not one rolled down a window to ask if I was ok.
I waited a moment to be sure I was ok, and drove off unhurt and the car only a little scratched, thankful it wasn't worse but feeling very dissapointed in people.
I'd slowed down to enter the turning lane and hit a long stretch of black ice. There was nothing I could do - if I steered the car right, I'd slide into oncoming traffic. I hit the brakes and hung on. I was fortunate I was going so slow - the car slid the whole length of the lane (and it's a long one!) bumped onto the concrete island dividing the turn lane from the main road, knocked over a street sign but came to a stop before hitting the traffic light pole, thank goodness!
I sat there for a moment, stunned. A woman waiting at the lights was looking directly at me. There were plenty of cars around who saw what happened. Not one stopped. Not one rolled down a window to ask if I was ok.
I waited a moment to be sure I was ok, and drove off unhurt and the car only a little scratched, thankful it wasn't worse but feeling very dissapointed in people.
Friday, February 16, 2007
sick
The absolute worst part for me about being a single mother is when I get sick. Lots of other stuff is hard, lots makes my heart about want to burst, lots make me feel. helpless but when I get sick - REALLY sick, I AM helpless.
I managed to get to the dr's office this afternoon to get diagnosed with some kind of throat infection - maybe strep. I took a course of antibiotics as soon as I paid for them. I dosed myself with ibuprofin.
Then I got the shakes. BAD. I got scared - my little one is not quite ready to handle making a phone call should I become incapacitated. I downed fluid, stole one of his freezies. An hour in I called my friend, who was a nurse for advice. I couldn't even think sraight.
My friend reminded me I could take some ASA as well, so I did. The shakes continued for another hour. That's a LONG time :(
I'm relieved to be finally feeling like I'm thinking straight again, and to have stopped shivering. It's almost The Child's bedtime and I'll does myself up one more time with antiobiotics and line up the asa & ibuprofin by the bed and hope that a god night sleep helps improve matters immensely so I can at least pretend to be supermom again in the morning!
I managed to get to the dr's office this afternoon to get diagnosed with some kind of throat infection - maybe strep. I took a course of antibiotics as soon as I paid for them. I dosed myself with ibuprofin.
Then I got the shakes. BAD. I got scared - my little one is not quite ready to handle making a phone call should I become incapacitated. I downed fluid, stole one of his freezies. An hour in I called my friend, who was a nurse for advice. I couldn't even think sraight.
My friend reminded me I could take some ASA as well, so I did. The shakes continued for another hour. That's a LONG time :(
I'm relieved to be finally feeling like I'm thinking straight again, and to have stopped shivering. It's almost The Child's bedtime and I'll does myself up one more time with antiobiotics and line up the asa & ibuprofin by the bed and hope that a god night sleep helps improve matters immensely so I can at least pretend to be supermom again in the morning!
About me
- I'm Victoria Martin
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